A Weight I Didn’t Know I Was Carrying
Thursday, October 24th, we loaded up our car and headed to Mom’s house one more time. Mom’s. One more time. My chest was heavy thinking about never going back into the place where we had shared so many memories.
The drive went by in a flash. As we pulled into the driveway, I held my breath and my anxiety rose. Had someone broken in again? Would I find a mess inside? We raised the garage door and my pulse quickened. I was struggling to get myself out of the car, to walk up the ramp, to go inside.
I could hear my Mom’s voice in my heart saying, “Come on Lori! Gather your spizarinktum and get this done!” I took a deep breath as I entered the house. It suddenly didn’t feel like Mom’s house at all. Yes, someone had been inside again, but whatever was taken, I couldn’t tell. They had, however, returned several Bibles. Kelly found 4 thrown up on a shelf in the coat closet on Saturday…a closet I had been through thoroughly!
As I walked through the rooms one last time, I didn’t feel much of anything, which was surprising. I gathered the last few things I wanted. Bixby loaded them into our car. I continued room by room. Soaking it all in. I ended up at the front door, just checking to make sure it was locked like I always do. As I turned to walk away, I got the nudge to open that coat closet door one last time. To my surprise, there on a box in the floor were two more Bibles. One was a thin blue Bible. That is the first Bible I ever remember seeing. My Aunt Peg, Mom’s sister and my Uncle Jack had given it to Mom for Christmas 1966. It holds a lot of memories and significance to me! My hope is that the person who has been helping themselves to things, discovered these 6 Bibles and had some remorse and returned them. I’ll never know who for sure, but I have a pretty good idea.
I had everything I wanted and we needed to go get checked in at the hotel…but I lingered and said, “I want to sit in her spot for just a minute!” I truly thought that would be the moment I let the tears go. I sat in that familiar spot on the loveseat. It still smelled like Mom. I sank into it. It felt warm and cozy, almost like a hug. I looked around the room we had spent so much time in. My heart was lighter because of the memories I will always carry in my heart of that house. I was just about to stand up, when something caught my eye. It was a penny on top of 3 coasters. It hadn’t been there when I stacked those coasters just 3 weeks before…but there it was. Thanks, Mom! I know it was you. I picked it up and put it in my pocket as I walked out the back door one last time.
We went to check into the hotel and I wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening at the desk. I was looking around. In the elevator, I asked what our room number was…423. It hadn’t clicked with Bixby. I giggled in the elevator and he wanted to know what was funny. I asked him when my Mom’s birthday was…then the light came on…April 23rd…4-23! Thanks, Mom!
We get settled in our room, I check in with my cousin to make a plan to meet up…I needed her keys and clicker for the closing on Friday. The room was nice enough, but I was hungry and a little antsy. So, we headed to a favorite spot for some dinner, Ruby’s…my standard order chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and salad bar! Bixby had his favorite cheeseburger and fries. One last time. As we walked to the car in the hotel parking lot, Bixby was looking at a work truck parked near our car…it had Wyatt painted on the door! Mom’s maiden name! Thanks, Mom!
We were just finishing dinner when Kelly met us at Ruby’s. She came bearing not only keys and a clicker, but the 4 Bibles she had found, and more quilts. One quilt dated back to 1924. My oldest stepbrother, Mikey will be getting that one. It was pieced together back in 1924 and our grandmother quilted it in the 1980s. I hope he treasures it.
Hugging Kelly goodbye almost brought the tears. But I kept telling myself, “I’ll be back in May for Gs graduation.” I made it though…warm jello hadn’t melted!
We went back to the hotel and I I just couldn’t relax. I still wondered if I was doing the right thing. I wondered if Mom was OK with how I was doing things to finish out her estate in preparation for our big move. I read some and that helped! I finally got some sleep.
Friday morning we were up early to grab some breakfast and check out before heading to town to see my lifelong friend, Pammy Jo. There was a pile of historical things I had found at Mom’s that she had told me were to go to Pammy Jo. It was so good to hug my friend. We talked about when we were kids and I had moved to Georgia…we both thought we would never ever see each other again! Ha! They came to Georgia and we were back in Oklahoma every chance we got! Anyway, this hug seemed a bit harder than the one when we were 7 and thought our world was crashing! I guess at our age, we see the true value and love of a friendship that has spanned our entire lives. We’ve seen each other through the best and the worst. I kept repeating to myself…”You’ll be back in May…if not before!” As we pulled away from that house on Adams, I didn’t cry because it was over. I smiled because I had been lucky enough to have this kind of friendship at all.
It was nearing time for the closing and in true Ola fashion, I had to be early. If you weren’t early, you were late! Anyway, we sat in the car on Main Street and I looked around at all the places I had seen all my life…but this time, I was trying to etch them all in my heart to pack up and take with me.
A few minutes later, our dear realtor, Renee arrived, bearing gifts for Bixby and for me. For the first time in a year, I got to hug her neck! I love that she’s related to me by marriage…thanks, Amy Jo! Anyway, we went on into the abstract company…the buyer was stuck in traffic in the City and would be a few minutes late. In true Lori fashion, I though uh oh, here we go…things had gone so smoothly the last 3 weeks…but now there was trouble on the horizon…suddenly, I heard my Daddy say, “Don’t borrow trouble, Lori!” So, I just tried to focus on our part of the transaction and let Renee worry about the buyer. Before we had finished our part though the buyer arrived and did her part and we got our paperwork and check within 8 minutes of walking in!
Our next stop was McClain Bank. This one might be difficult for me. You see I have a long history with that bank. My Mom worked there for years. When she would work overtime I would park my 5 year old self in the lobby to watch the black and white TV and work on my bookkeeping…I had a roll of adding machine tape that I used over and over again…Mom would take it home with us and re-roll it so I could continue to do my book work! I also used to love the shoe shine machine. I shined my shoes every time I “went to work”. This time, it was a goodbye and a thank you for the memories. I needed to double check the safety deposit box one last time. I needed to close out 2 accounts and I needed some questions answered about our estate account before we make our move. We thought it would take a while…nope. We were in and out with everything done on our list within 20 minutes.
Thankfully it freed up time for me to go to some of my favorite places in Purcell…one last time. We drove up Red Hill. I have so many memories of that place! Up there you can look down at the Purcell Dragon’s football field. My how it has changed since I was a kid! Then it was out to the cemetery. I needed to go there. I needed to be in that place where there is a physical reminder of my family. We drove all around so I could etch those places in my heart…the people are already in my heart. I soaked it in. Next, I wanted to go out to my home church, Union Hill Baptist Church. Some of my earliest memories are from that little church on the hill. No one was there, but I got out and walked around, etching this place a bit deeper in my heart. It was out on that hill I realized that although I won’t be 2.5 hours away anymore, that town , those people and places are forever mine. I will take them with me no matter where I go.
When I got back in the car, I told Bixby I was ready to go celebrate. We went to another favorite restaurant, Bravo’s for a frozen on the rocks…IYKYK! We had eaten so many Sunday lunches and celebrated so many things there that I thought it was the appropriate place to end our trip. We soaked it up. We had the best cheese soup we’ve ever had…again, IYKYK.
When we finished lunch, I was surprised at myself. I hadn’t cried one single tear and my heart for the first time in almost 15 months felt lighter and not as constricted. Come to think of it, all of me felt a bit lighter. I hadn’t realized all of the weight I had carried since July 29, 2023. As we walked out into the sunshine on our way to the car, I didn’t wonder or worry any longer if Mom was proud of how I had done all this…I knew she was proud. Thanks, Mom!
Peace and Blessings to you and yours!
lp
