Thoughts About Mother’s Day
Growing up, Mother’s Day was one of my favorite days! I got to make my Mom feel as special as she made me feel! Dad and I would spend Saturday evening making a “special” cake! We were known for our creative colors! Let’s just say they were interesting!
When I was a married adult, it was a day of mixed emotions. My focus still remained on my Mom. I was never able to have my own child. That dream ended on a day I’ve never, ever spoken of to anyone. It was heartbreaking to say the least. Maybe one day I will have the courage to write about it. Maybe. But that day isn’t today!
Every May, Mom was my focus, that was until 2024. That was my first without her. Without the person who had made me who I am. I remember the tears. I remember the void I felt. I remember wishing for just one more I love you! One more creativity colored cake! That May was so very difficult!
Today is the third Mother’s Day without Mom. I still wish for all of those things. I still feel that void with every group text wishing the mothers in our groups a Happy Mother’s Day. Each time I see those, it stings just a bit more.
Surprisingly, I’ve had zero tears today. My focus has shifted. I was telling someone this morning, who has recently lost her precious Mom, that it has helped me to shift my focus from what I don’t have, to what I can do by making sure someone else has a great Mother’s Day. I also mentioned that the gift of tears is OK, just don’t stay there.
I believe there is no sadness in heaven and I believe that our loved ones can see and hear us. So if I’m sad and crying, Mom can’t see/hear me! I don’t want that! I want her to see me and be proud of how I am living my life and following her example of service. I want her to see me smiling with each memory of those creatively colored cakes, all the bottles of Chanel No. 5 and the roses she always got from Daddy. I want her to be able to show her friends her only child and be proud of how I’ve gotten my crap together since she’s been gone. Is my crap always together? Absolutely not. I am human. I let the tears fall when they need to. The difference now is that I don’t stay there!
I guess I say all this to say, be mindful around these types of special days…they may sting in ways you’ve never experienced . Some of us have lost our Mom. Some of us don’t have the child we had hoped for. Some of us are struggling to have that longed for child. Some of us have lost that longed for child. Be mindful of those around you. Some are just doing our best to make it through another day in the long list of days where we feel the void! So, if today is stinging you a bit today, you are not alone! I’m praying we all make it through today with some sweet memories and peace in our hearts!
Peace to you and yours!
lp
