Answered Prayers, Unanswered Prayers and the Blessings In-between

I’ve been reflecting on where I am in this life…not just physically where I am, but emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, all of it.

As I sit here today in my new home, watching the gentle rain fall, I am truly blessed. Don’t get me wrong, everything isn’t rainbows and butterflies! I miss my Mom more than I can express. I’d give anything for her to be here and healthy. Though I’d never be selfish enough to ask for her return as she was physically when she left. I love her enough to not do that. Same for all my family that have gone before me.

The grief aside, I am truly blessed. I’m living things I prayed for. I’ve sat with that today, thinking about all those prayers. Some were unanswered…or probably more correctly, they weren’t answered in the way I wanted them. Those prayers most likely saved me from myself. For that I am grateful!

I know some are probably thinking that this is all about the new house. It isn’t. It’s about having my days free to do things that make my heart happy, like stacking wood. It’s about Poppa being .10 of a mile through the woods. It’s about peace in my soul. It’s about a new adventure. It’s about the journey back to myself. It’s about not feeling guilty about spending the afternoon reading on the deck. It’s about leaving the nightmare years behind. It’s about healing.

Healing. It’s a journey. I’m almost 14 years removed from my living nightmare and I am still healing. I’ve healed in some areas. But I’m still working on other areas. Simply being out of that situation and being alive while out of it, is an answered prayer!

In the last almost 14 years, my life has completely changed! Mostly for the better…minus the grief part. I no longer live in fear for my life or the lives of those I love. I am no longer afraid of what I will find when I get home. I am no longer required to keep a notebook listing every single dollar I spend…of my own money…our finances were kept separate. I am no longer required to provide health insurance for my spouse and his child. I am no longer required to babysit his child and/or his unstable Mother. I’m no longer required to do anything that I don’t want to do!

I am living the life I prayed for!

If you are praying for a different life, don’t stop praying (great song, btw)! A completely different life could just be one prayer away! I’m living proof!

Peace and blessings to you and yours!

lp