One year ago today, I left my hometown. I left my family and lifelong friends. I left the physical remains of my some of my most favorite people.
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I had every intention of going back in May. But, it just didn\u2019t work out. Maybe it was for the best. I would\u2019ve had to go by myself. I would\u2019ve had to rent a car. I would\u2019ve stayed in a hotel. I\u2019m not sure I was emotionally ready to go back alone.
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As I sit here in Maine, with a cozy fire in the stove, watching the leaves fall, I\u2019m thinking back over the last year. Walking through Mom and Dad\u2019s house one last time. Hugs, just one last time. Visiting the cemetery just one last time. All the packing. All the struggles with our move. The three day, 1700 mile journey\u2026the last of it in a snow storm and the GPS had us going in circles. I\u2019m thinking about all the struggles we\u2019ve gone through with our general contractor\u2026still not finished to this day! Just one last thing to go\u2026.
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I\u2019m thinking about how I\u2019ve changed. How the planner (aka control freak)in me has learned to relax just a bit. How I\u2019m embracing \u201cthe way life should be\u201d here in Maine. How I catch myself smiling just because a bunch of turkeys have come by. How I find joy in picking tomatoes, corn, carrots or broccolini. How I enjoy stocking the freezer with this year\u2019s harvest. How I\u2019m able to let go of things that I couldn\u2019t last year. How I can truly laugh now without guilt. How my joy is back. How I enjoy seeing my FIL. How I\u2019m making a life here. How I\u2019m finding my way. How I\u2019m finally back to being myself for the first time since Mom died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do miss my framily. I do miss St Gabriel. I do miss the familiarity of it all. I do miss being able to drive up 35 to Purcell and go to the cemetery just to change the flowers out for everyone. That is a big one! Mom took great care in putting flowers out at the cemetery for her grandparents, her parents, my Daddy and one of her high school classmates. It makes me sad that I\u2019m not there to do the same for her.
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That said, I know that we are where we are supposed to be. This place is what my heart needed. I think it\u2019s also what my husband needed, too. He\u2019s changed, too. It\u2019s a good thing.
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I sometimes still find it difficult to believe that we really live here. Now that we\u2019ve been in our house for just over 4 months, I\u2019m starting to have a regular routine that feels normal. Normal. I wasn\u2019t sure I\u2019d ever feel that way again this time last year. But, I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m just so very thankful that I\u2019ve survived the struggles. I\u2019m thankful because those struggles taught me just how strong I can be. This entire process has given me some clarity that I would not have had otherwise, for that I am grateful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A year really can make a big difference!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peace and blessings to you and yours!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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