25 years ago today, I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life! I flew to Las Vegas to marry Tim, the father of a then 7 year old daughter, Beth.
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It had been a whirlwind \u201cromance\u201d. We met in February. Tim proposed on July 8th. Five days later the three of us flew off to Vegas. It all seemed perfect. An instant family.
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The perfection started to unravel shortly after the wedding\u2026I mean literally a couple of hours after. Tim, left me with Beth to go play some poker. Hmmm, really? We just got married. We were staying at a hotel that had a kid\u2019s place for guests to drop off their kids for a bit. But he didn\u2019t take advantage of that.
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So, Beth being 7 and full of energy, she was BORED! I decided to take her shopping at the shops that were in the hotel\u2026it was the MGM. She was eager to get out of the hotel room. Off we went. Yay, a win or so I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Beth had learned manipulation skills from her father\u2019s mother. My ex MIL was and probably still is the queen of drama and manipulation. Anyway, we shopped for a bit and got a snack\u2026but the fun ended quickly when I had to tell Beth no. She wanted to go into the carpeted area of the casino floor. If you are underage, you can\u2019t. I explained it to Beth.
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Cue the \u201ctears\u201d. Cue the drama. Cue the manipulation. I had never seen this side of her. Standing in the middle of the lobby of the MGM, she proceeded to scream that I was not her mother. That she wanted her Daddy\u2026I would later learn that she only used the word Daddy for manipulation purposes\u2026and she melted into a puddle on the floor and refused to get up and walk.
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Here I am on my wedding day dealing with a meltdown. Thankfully my teacher skills kicked in and I won this battle and she walked back to our room with me.
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When my new husband arrived back in our room, the drama started again. \u201cDaddy\u201d and \u201ctears\u201d all over again. I let Beth get it all out, expecting Tim to ask me what actually happened. Nope, he started blubbering over her. Wait\u2026she\u2019s 7! I\u2019m the adult. I started trying to talk to him about the situation and Beth wasn\u2019t having it. She cried even louder\u2026I\u2019m using the term cry very loosely. No real tears were ever shed.
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Our wedding day should\u2019ve told me all I needed to know about how the next 11.5 years of my life were going to go. But, ever hopeful, I thought it was just the stress of the situation. Oh boy was I wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next 11.5 years were full of manipulation, emotional and psychological abuse at the hand of my ex husband. I know you are wondering why I stayed 11.5 years. That\u2019s easy. It was because of Beth. Yes, she was a manipulator, but it was a learned behavior. She had no stable female in her life because her father refused to let Ann, Beth\u2019s mother in her life. It was a mess. Tim refused to let me even meet Ann. Absolutely no communication between us. Divide and conquer the Brandenburg way!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could not leave knowing what I would be leaving her with. Tim had become a functioning alcoholic and drug addict in law school (that\u2019s a story for another day). Had I not stayed, Beth would not have been able to continue school with her friends\u2026again, long story for another day.
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In those 11.5 years I learned survival skills. I learned I was stronger than I ever thought I could be. I learned to protect myself. But, eventually I learned I deserved better. I learned that I did indeed have value no matter what my attorney \u201chusband\u201d said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I decided to leave, Beth was legally an adult. She had graduated high school. She was enrolled in college. I felt it was time to do something for myself. It. Was. Time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, Beth\u2019s wheels fell off. It hurts my heart that she has followed in her father\u2019s footsteps of drinking and drugs. Yes, I had some guilt concerning Beth\u2019s situation. But I also know that she was an adult. She is making her own choices.
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I\u2019ve said all of this to say, because of those 11.5 years of hell, I am the survivor I am today. I\u2019ve always been an empath, but because of those hell years, I believe I am more empathetic. Because of those years, I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Sure, I\u2019m still \u201cWarm Jello\u201d, but I have strength behind those tears. Because of those years of hell, I know I deserved much better than I was being given.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s so much more to my former life and I will write about it later. But for today, I\u2019m going to say that although those years were a living nightmare, I am thankful that I was there for a little girl who needed someone sober and stable. I hope one day, she will get clean and remember who was there when her father wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because of those 11.5 years, I am who I am today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peace to you and yours!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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