We are entering into what used to be my favorite time of the year\u2026the holiday season. But here we are traveling this grief journey. I. Don\u2019t. Like. It.
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Tomorrow will be the first major holiday where absolutely everyone who has known me from my first breath is gone. GONE. That thought entered my mind on Monday morning. It hit like a Mack truck. It took my breath away. It brought the tears and I let them flow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had done so well. There hadn\u2019t been tears\u2026not tears that fell\u2026they welled up, but I never let them fall until I couldn\u2019t stop them on Monday morning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You may be wondering what the trigger was\u2026well, it was sausage balls. I was making sausage balls to have ready for when my FIL arrived Tuesday. That\u2019s when that thought\u2026you know the one\u2026hit\u2026just as I pulled out my Mom\u2019s recipe.
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That wave started out as heartbreak\u2026then I couldn\u2019t catch my breath\u2026and then\u2026anger. Yes, anger\u2026because the reality once again slapped me in the face\u2026the reality that I am alone\u2026those that had been with me from my very beginning are no longer able to be with me. I. Am. In. This. Alone. I know some of you reading this will say, \u201cYou\u2019re not alone, Lori. You have friends. You have Bixby.\u201d Yes, you are right I do have friends and I do have Bixby. However, I don\u2019t have those who made me\u2026me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yesterday, it was a pumpkin pie recipe. Mom\u2019s recipe. The truck struck again, only this time, I didn\u2019t have time to deal with the emotions\u2026we had to get to the airport to pick up my FIL.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you know me at all you know I\u2019m big on a couple of things\u20261. Kindness (thanks, Mom) and 2. Thankfulness. I post my thankful things everyday. The last few days have been difficult for me to be kind and thankful. I told my lifelong friend on the phone yesterday that I was trying everything I could to keep from being ugly. Because she has known me since I was just over a week old\u2026she knew it was a difficult day. Just hearing her voice helped to break through the grief that had consumed me. She called to do a couple of things\u2026check on me\u2026encourage me\u2026and see if I needed to come for Thanksgiving. Thanks, Pammy Jo! That\u2019s 58 years of friendship and love!
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Today is the day before Thanksgiving. I decided to do what Mom always did. I made her shoe peg corn salad. I put it in her Tupperware bowl\u2026like she always did\u2026and I cried when I went to close the lid and saw her address label. I let those tears fall. I screwed up my mascara and I didn\u2019t care. I am grieving those that are important to me and are no longer here. I. Am. Grieving. And that\u2019s OK\u2026even if I\u2019m not.
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So, as we all move through this holiday season, be aware that those you come in contact with may be dealing with something you have no idea about. Treat them with empathy and kindness. You never know, you may be their bright spot in their grief journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peace and Blessings to you and yours!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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