Well I’m a definite work in progress right now…I can’t bring myself to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard…12 day drought on writing but overwhelmed with emotions that I just can’t capture in this moment…tears mess up the ink on the paper and tend to make the computer keyboard spark…I am reading and appreciating all the inspiration and love flowing from very amazing individuals…inspiration is here, buried under tears and will flow again once my grappling and unraveling commence and regroup-dare I say re-assimilate as coherent thoughts!! I think the title is already written…THE UNRAVELING…yep I will write again and here it goes…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The unraveling comes upon me at different times and is triggered by a multitude of emotions. Loss SUCKS, racism BASSACKWARDS (a Patricia-ism I’m sure), fear GRIPPING, hurt SOUL-SUFFOCATING, intolerance BAFFLING, hate MIND-BOGGLING, rage EXTREME and I’m sure I can come up with a hundred other emotionally charged words that are floating in the air we breathe. But I digress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let me take you on a journey of sorts, a journey of my unraveling…I could start at my youth but today, just today I want to share my recent unraveling. You see as an extrovert-empath (yes I know some of you will find this an oxymoron but hang with me) I feel to the depths of my soul. When you hurt – I hurt, when you cry – I cry, when you shrink – I shrink and yes, when you bloom – I bloom. I can’t tell you why God made me this way, He just did. I cry at movies, real or not, because I FEEEEELLLL the depth of pain like none other. I laugh a loud boisterous laugh because I FEEEEEELLL joy like no other. So know that while I am an extrovert, I gather my unravelings and hide awhile to recover from ALL that comes to me as an empath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some do not believe in empaths and I’m okay with that…but I know deeply that we exist and are here for healing reasons. We can wait awhile with you and lighten your load, listen to what is not said with the mouth but with the eyes, the body, the nod of the head and the energy emitted from the soul. So yes this week and during this pandemic season for that matter have been an unraveling. You see my Uncle Floyd who’s like my dad (in my heart and mind) is dying. Yes he’s lived a good long life but you see I’m selfish and unraveling. I don’t want him to go (damn tears are coming again-ughh damn leaky eyes). I can barely see to type. He is in pain and ready to go home to our maker but I’m not ready to let go. Yes I know I should be but I’m just not. Today he makes the decision…dialysis yes or no. I don’t yet know the decision and I’m not ready for it either…I’m pretty sure my heart and soul knows but I am not ready. I’m unraveling as I type…so this wriitng block is really an emotion block (a self-protection of my tender soul), a block of having to feel but today I’m unraveling and letting it flow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
LOSS SUCKS!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Concomitant unraveling in a small town, not just any small town but a backwoods, bigoted place. A simple call, an easy favor, a short ride to take my nephew home in that small town…peaceful and easy, right? Nope, say it ain’t so…it’s yet another unraveling. My nephew (by marriage but once you’re my tribe, you’re my tribe) tells me of a horror NO ONE should ever endure, I cry. He tells me of a day at work where several white men hang him from his heels by a chain, pull him up high and laugh and call him the “n” word (nope I can’t even say it nor write it…I just can’t).\u00a0Yes he is bi-racial and beautiful and crazy, and pretentious and loved. Yes sometimes it is tough love but this, this unraveling should NEVER have to come but it does. I cry, get pissed and decide actions will come…I don’t do small thinking, hatred or bigotry well at all. My unraveling comes again…I just can’t, I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t process, I just can’t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
RACISM BASSACKWARDS.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These two “small” events for some are unraveling for me…it is who I am…I feel the depth of pain and hurt, of joy and love but for today, just for today I’m grappling with my unraveling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tomorrow is yet to be seen…I pray for beauty, peace, healing, protection, grace and more for each soul facing an unraveling of sorts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
SIDEBAR:<\/strong> I am okay, I promise…my old roomie used to get worried by my unravelings but let me clarify…my unravelings are part of feeling deeply and that includes all emotions. It’s who I am. I take my unravelings and process, grapple, grow, change and emerge stronger and maybe a little wiser, sometimes. But I will always emerge from my unravelings…it’s who I am, it’s how I move through this world of uncertainty. It’s how I also feel love, joy, passion, contentment, and happiness so deeply.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Well I’m a definite work in progress right now…I can’t bring myself to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard…12 day drought on writing…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":1041,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/2887_4622698288526_290359487_n.jpg","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1040"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1040"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1040\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1042,"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1040\/revisions\/1042"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1041"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1040"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1040"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveyoustrong.us\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1040"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}