What a Difference a Year Makes
One year ago today, I left my hometown. I left my family and lifelong friends. I left the physical remains of my some of my most favorite people.
I had every intention of going back in May. But, it just didn’t work out. Maybe it was for the best. I would’ve had to go by myself. I would’ve had to rent a car. I would’ve stayed in a hotel. I’m not sure I was emotionally ready to go back alone.
As I sit here in Maine, with a cozy fire in the stove, watching the leaves fall, I’m thinking back over the last year. Walking through Mom and Dad’s house one last time. Hugs, just one last time. Visiting the cemetery just one last time. All the packing. All the struggles with our move. The three day, 1700 mile journey…the last of it in a snow storm and the GPS had us going in circles. I’m thinking about all the struggles we’ve gone through with our general contractor…still not finished to this day! Just one last thing to go….
I’m thinking about how I’ve changed. How the planner (aka control freak)in me has learned to relax just a bit. How I’m embracing “the way life should be” here in Maine. How I catch myself smiling just because a bunch of turkeys have come by. How I find joy in picking tomatoes, corn, carrots or broccolini. How I enjoy stocking the freezer with this year’s harvest. How I’m able to let go of things that I couldn’t last year. How I can truly laugh now without guilt. How my joy is back. How I enjoy seeing my FIL. How I’m making a life here. How I’m finding my way. How I’m finally back to being myself for the first time since Mom died.
I do miss my framily. I do miss St Gabriel. I do miss the familiarity of it all. I do miss being able to drive up 35 to Purcell and go to the cemetery just to change the flowers out for everyone. That is a big one! Mom took great care in putting flowers out at the cemetery for her grandparents, her parents, my Daddy and one of her high school classmates. It makes me sad that I’m not there to do the same for her.
That said, I know that we are where we are supposed to be. This place is what my heart needed. I think it’s also what my husband needed, too. He’s changed, too. It’s a good thing.
I sometimes still find it difficult to believe that we really live here. Now that we’ve been in our house for just over 4 months, I’m starting to have a regular routine that feels normal. Normal. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel that way again this time last year. But, I do.
I’m just so very thankful that I’ve survived the struggles. I’m thankful because those struggles taught me just how strong I can be. This entire process has given me some clarity that I would not have had otherwise, for that I am grateful.
A year really can make a big difference!
Peace and blessings to you and yours!
lp
