Coming Into the New Year Without You…With Only a Penny in My Pocket and a Cardinal Song in My Heart

I am typically excited to close out a year and welcome the next. Not this year, though. I will be inching into a year that my Mom will never know. A year without the possibility of seeing her or talking to her. The thought of this has crashed into me like a tsunami.

I knew it was coming. I tried to prepare myself. After all, I have faced a new day without her everyday since July 29th. Leaving 2023 and entering 2024, just feels different. I don’t understand the why of it. I just know it stings.

I had been asking for some sign or signal from Mom last week. Almost immediately I heard a Cardinal singing in the backyard. We usually have a couple of Cardinal families in our backyard, but recently, they were gone. Anyway, sure enough, that Cardinal was in the backyard singing out! That gave my heart a little lift. Mom and I believe that Cardinals are messengers from above. When my Peggy, my Daddy, my Gran and my Uncle Jack died, Mom and I both had Cardinal visitors. In 2019, when my MIL, Linda died, I had a constant Cardinal visitor in the backyard all summer.

This weekend, Bixby and I went to Oklahoma for what is most likely our last overnight trip to Mom’s. It’s just so difficult for me to be there very long without her there. This trip was especially difficult because we were supposed to be celebrating Christmas with her. We cut our three night stay to just one. It was all I thought I could handle.

Friday afternoon as I was going through the last little bit, I said out loud, “I miss you, Mom!” The words had just slipped out of my mouth when I heard a Cardinal singing in Mom’s backyard! Thanks, Mom! I needed that!

Yesterday, I was in the house by myself. I walked room by room breathing it all in. Letting the memories flood my mind. The last room I entered was Mom’s. The room where she took her last breath. I again said out loud, “I miss you, Mom!” Something shiny caught my eye on the headboard. It was a shiny penny. It hadn’t been there before. I know this because I had gotten a cough drop from that very spot earlier in the morning. I picked it up. Pennies from heaven, I thought! As soon as my finger touched that shiny penny, I heard the Cardinal singing again! Thanks, Mom! I needed that!

As I tiptoe into a new year, I am going to remember and feel all the emotions as I strive to be all the things Mom was. I will carry a penny in my pocket and a Cardinal song in my heart!

I miss you, Mom! Happy New Year in heaven!

Peace and Blessings to you and yours!

lp