GIVERS and TAKERS
Sounds like such a simple thing – the nature of each is so simple – right?
GIVERS give and well FRANKLY – TAKERS take.
hmmmmmm maybe it’s not so simple, maybe it’s wrapped up in simple complexity. Maybe some TAKERS want to give but don’t know how. Maybe some GIVERS really want to be TAKERS instead. I don’t know, just maybe…
All my life I have been a GIVER – shirt off my back, shoes off my feet, food from my table, roof over head, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a celebratory friend, time, love, care, compassion, money – you name it, you need it, you got it. Many would call me a fool, other’s say I live in a poverty mindset, yet others would call me a GIVER rich in the wonders of this world.
Well quite frankly, this world has made me rethink it all – yeah, another grappling of sorts. I am grappling with my “GIVER-ness”. Am I really a true GIVER? Is my heart the heart of a GIVER or have I been a TAKER all along – hidden in the shell of a GIVER? Disguised so that others couldn’t see the real me? This world has me wondering if I have anything left to give? Do I really even want to?
Children cry for their needs – momma listen, momma I need money, momma I need, momma I need. Lovers cry for their needs – woman listen, woman I need you, woman I need, woman I need. Work cries for their needs – worker listen, worker I need more, worker I need, worker I need…
And it just goes on…incessantly onnnnn…
Somedays I dream of being that TAKER…you know the one who says “I deserve that and I am going to have it!” Somedays I dream of a relationship where I am waited on hand and foot, my every whim comes before I even think it, freely given. Somedays I wish I could just be a TAKER, a damn TAKER and take what I need without a second thought. Then reality creeps back in…If I choose to be a TAKER, who will give? DAMN you mind, let me dream a little!!
Sometimes a GIVER feels tired, broken and worn, used and discarded, nothing more than a doormat. Maybe the true grappling is in the fact that GIVERS forget to self-care and ask for what they need. The truth is maybe we just don’t feel we deserve it. Maybe the truth is that this world has us in isolation and we can’t really truly be who we are meant to be…a GIVER.
GIVERS don’t just give things; they pour out their souls and meet the needs of others in ways most don’t understand. DAMN it’s hard being isolated and not able to give – not able to give laughter, love, hugs, time, positive energy – the true unabashed giving of self in ways that also pour back into self.
Just once I thought I wanted to be a TAKER but maybe, just maybe I want to rest and not feel like pouring out until there is nothing left. Maybe I just want to be in a world were GIVERS are loved in return and know their value. Maybe just once as a GIVER I want to feel deeply that what I give matters – what I give changes and bends the light of the world so that the warmth is felt beyond this moment. Maybe I want to matter so deeply that another GIVER shares my world, who gets me and together we GIVE FREELY, and the world is never the same.
Just maybe…
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
This hits my soul…
I love – “Just once I thought I wanted to be a TAKER but maybe, just maybe I want to rest and not feel like pouring out until there is nothing left.”
& Somedays I dream of being that TAKER…you know the one who says “I deserve that and I am going to have it!”
You have written so much of what I have been thinking as well. It is tough to be a GIVER some days when your energy is low, and you need those for whom you are their support, to just ask “How are you, really?” and not follow that up with “I”…
This feels like a wonderful rant, and I am cheering you on and saying “Yes!!” throughout, but then you end it in true ‘GIVER’ form. What a fabulous ride!
Thank you so much…its that feeling of needing to melt into a safe space, anothers arms and let them do the battle for a while as you rest. I had a friend who completely got this but then went and disappeared…its truly a hard time for emails and givers who run wild and solo in this world but I have faith we will survive and once again thrive.
You made me realize I need to Appreciate the Givers in my life a little bit more – love them a little bit stronger- & never forget to Give back in return. Thank you!
CindiLou…yes and they will love you even deeper for it and the magic of their giving hearts with be ten-fold in the return!
I can so relate to this! I’m a GIVER and I love being a GIVER. But I’ve also come to realize the importance of SELF-CARE – or SELF-GIVING during this pandemic!
I enjoyed reading this Patricia. I could see myself in some of your words. I especially liked the last paragraph. You do matter, and I’d love to share my world with you!