LORD, I CAN’T MAKE IT ON MY OWN

Several years ago Darrell and I were going through some struggles. He had lost his job of 30 plus years in his Family business. All through the years he was led to believe that he still had Retirement one day, but found out that he had nothing. Anyway, he did file for unemployment while looking for a job, but was unable to get it. He and my son did remodeling on the side, which helped, yet we went through all our savings just trying to live. He went from one job interview to another for months. At one place, he was even told he had the job, when he could start, the whole nine yards. For the first time in a long time I saw that glimmer in his eye. But that glimmer disappeared three days before he started the job. He got the call that even though he had years of experience, they had a young man who had been to college, which better qualified him for the job. You see, Darrell has always worked hard to provide for his family, and this just about made him feel useless. We lost our car, got messed up with our credit, etc. I haven’t been able to work since 1999, and I felt so helpless, though I was drawing a small disability check. As a Christian, I had my faith, yet, I even struggled with it. I kept thinking, “Lord, we are doing the best we can, but it’s not enough.” I’ve always expressed my emotions through poetry or songs since I was about 12 years old. That’s when the following words came to me one day while we were struggling.

Lord, I Can’t Do This On my Own (6/11/09)

When I woke up this morning Lord, I knelt beside my bed to pray; I thanked You for the ones I love and for another day. My voice grew tired, and I begin to choke on every word; And those tears I cried, my eyes became all blurred.

I said, “Lord, this old world we’re living in – it’s growing worse day by day. And I’ll be the first to admit to You that I sometimes lose my way. Have mercy on me, for I am weak, but I know that you are strong. Please take this troubled soul of mine, and put me back where I belong.

The I cried, “Jesus, oh how I need You to get me through each day. I don’t believe that I can do this – without You to guide my way. You see, my faith has grown weak Lord, and I feel so alone.” Then I felt You softly say to me, “You don’t have to do this on your own!”

I felt Your presence all around me Lord; insecurities were no longer there. When I got up off my knees, I knew that You had heard my prayer. My body may be broken, but my spirit has been renewed. I rejoice in my salvation, and I give glory all to You!

I cry “Jesus, oh how I need You to get me through each day. I know that I can’t do this – without You to guide my way. I know my faith is weak Lord, but I know I’m not alone; For I know You walk beside me, ’cause I can’t do this on my own.”

Yes, I know He walks beside me, ’cause I can’t do this on my own.

I still struggle with my emotions, but I am so grateful that I have a Savior who has such Mercy and Grace, and He LOVES me unconditionally! He is my ROCK!