I FOUND A VOICE

It’s been ten years since I took the leap

To set my known free into the unknown

I did not know what I was doing or thinking, or if I was even doing anything to begin with.

My junior high life was mundane, but definitely not as mundane as it is now, a decade later.

It was the summer of 2010. People still watched actual TV. I loved watching Dancing With The Stars and American Idol. That year was the last with Simon Cowell as a judge. But the new girl in town, Ms. Kara DioGuardi, I had no idea who she was, or why she was a judge to begin with. I had my curiosities in the pool for a while. I knew why the other three were on the panel, but why was she? 

I asked my mom one July day: “I know why the other judges are on the panel, but what about Kara? What does she do?” Mom said: “She’s a songwriter.”  

My curiosity started fueling in my head. The notes started to click together little by little, whilst I had no idea what was happening shortly after Mom’s response. I headed upstairs to the spare bedroom in our house, which we had moved into that March. The long bare work table against the white wall nearest to the door, crouching on my knees, pressed into the ugly speck house carpet. I opened my Compaq laptop to see what this woman was about. I clicked on a video of Kara singing a song she had written for the top two finalists of Season 8 (2009). Each of them recorded it as a single. (Lol, she’d probably “hate me” for mentioning that I loved “No Boundaries” on my blog page – because the week she wrote that song was an absolute nightmare for her – actually the worst in her career)

I was fucking mesmerized by her voice. I was like, “She can SING!!!!! OH my GOD!” I just couldn’t believe what I had watched, heard, and consumed. I just knew. I knew I could be a songwriter. I knew I was a good singer. I knew I had those natural talents from years prior. My mom had an old Yamaha acoustic guitar within my reach. As if by magic. 

My mom was out of town at the time I wrote my first song. I remember calling her that afternoon and telling her about it. My pure infectious excitement transmitted from the phone to wherever she was. I just couldn’t stop writing music after that day. It became a something I buried my heart into during my teenage years. I wrote my first song on July 9, 2010. “Fly Away Now.” It was so terrible in technical terms, SUCH a twelve-year-old utopian view of the Music World, but the song brought me SO MUCH joy. The joy of a new beginning. The joy of a new Dawn. The joy of a high. The joy of standing on a new cloud. The joy of a good everyday life for once, and that I had a purpose within the mess of being ridiculed simply for being me. The joy of something lighter than the hardened cement of my adolescence. I found a voice and some gold, in the real, but seemingly, opaque cement. Although I had stopped writing songs three years ago, Kara DioGuardi is still the woman who had inspired me to take my writing passion more seriously.

I had the honor of meeting Kara in Maine during the fall of 2017. She puts together an annual event in her local area for her nonprofit, called Inspired Nation, founded in 2016. Its purpose and passion is young singer/songwriters, using music to give back to youth in need. The event showcased about twelve local young music artists. All the proceeds go to a handful of youth-focused beneficiaries, which she selects. Kara is genuine, passionate, intense, warm, humble, and an über spunky Sagittarius. She is exactly like I had imagined, only better. Couldn’t be kinder.