On “Doing It The Right Way”

Everybody makes mistakes, right? Like most people message their ex at 2 a.m., some people hang the toilet paper the wrong way, and others put their beans under their rice. My mistake? I read comments on Facebook. Not the fun comments your grandparents leave you, no… The comments on random videos about vaccination and conspiracy theories. Sometimes, I comment back but usually I just sit there contemplating how in the universe that person got to that conclusion. Not in a judgmental way, just on a pure level of the concept being completely foreign to me. I heard something Tabitha Brown said (if you don’t know her, please go check her out): that if you have prescription glasses and you just give them to someone, they won’t be able to see very well, if at all. We can’t force someone to see through our eyes – but we can paint them the picture, so allow me to try.

One of the comments I find myself frustrated the most is over immigration. No brainer, I know. The thing is that a lot of people just do not understand what it takes to “do immigration right”. (yes, I am aware that everything I write is controversial, please excuse me as I am a bored Gemini). Back to topic: if you didn’t know yet, I am an immigrant. I hold a resident visa, also called a Green Card, granted to me based on family reunion since I’m married to an American Citizen. It sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? I worked, pay my taxes, fell in love, got married and now I’m good. Well, I wish.

I was pretty young when I got married, but I also went to law school for two years and like to consider myself of above average intelligence and pretty fluent in English, but the regulations and forms that we had to fill were complicated, long and seemingly redundant. We made mistakes like not signing one of the 30 different lines and had the whole process delayed a couple of months. There were hefty few hundred dollars fee each step of the way, which amounted to a couple thousand dollars give or take in processing fees alone. We submitted several copies of my passport, previous visas, forms, background check, marriage license and every single address I have ever lived and job I ever had for the previous 5 years, but there was no number to call, no email to write and no answer for months. If we had questions, we had to try our best to Google. A lawyer would be appreciated, but the cost would pay a down payment in a nice house, and they don’t have access to much more information than we do, plus with all the foreign names and addresses they’re more likely to make mistakes.

 And I haven’t even talked about 3 separate trips to 3 different states in Brazil, the complete down-to-my-undies medical exam in a shady and weird doctor office, or the fear of forgetting my husbands birthday in the interview and having my visa denied. During the whole green card process, I couldn’t legally work in the US and would have to start another complicated process to leave the country. That meant that if we had applied for the visa while living in the USA I’d be unable to make any money or see my family again until it was all over, and the process for a spouse of a citizen can take anywhere from 6 months to 2+ years (up to 12 if it’s a family member other than your spouse!). So we went down to Brazil, got Chase’s resident visa and managed to both work. But, in the ENTIRE country (as a reference we can fit Texas 12.5 times inside Brazil), there’s only 2 places you can collect fingerprints, 3 doctors doing the exams and 1 place for the interview. All of these trips (because of course none of them were in my state) are mostly out of your control and each one of them has extra fees outside of the main ones you pay to the government. It’s terrifying, because one small mistake spelling a name can be what delays you another set of months – or worse yet closes your case. Let me tell you, the honeymoon phase ends pretty fast when you’re up all night wondering if it’s ever going to end and if it’s even worth it.

I can hear your thoughts “well, we can’t let just anyone in! You chose to be in America and get married so quit your bitchin’!”. Yes, I hear you. Honestly, you’re not wrong. I technically did have the choice to be here and to choose my husband and to go through all of this. But not everyone does. Having a visa, being a documented immigrant – it’s a matter of life and death for a lot of people. And I am not being dramatic. Look around you, all your belongings, family, friends, language, favorite snacks, knick knacks. Imagine being in a situation of so much conflict (economical, political, religious, or else) that you leave it all behind. I’ll say it again – leave it behind. Let’s assume for a moment that you could bring your family with you, which definitely isn’t a guarantee. Could you leave behind your favorite blanket? Could you leave behind that one mug your child made you in elementary school that’s kind of ugly but in a lovely special way to you? How about Chex Mix or your favorite pizza? When you become an immigrant, you can bring two suitcases and a backpack. Can you choose what’s worth taking? Giving up your sense of security is scary and hurtful, and the immigration process takes all of the humanity away from you and leaves you as nothing but a number, a case, and a potential threat.

I’m not saying we have to go ahead and get rid of all of the immigration rules, I am just asking you to think about what you mean when you say “let’s build a wall” and “let them do it the right way”. My mom is a great, amazing, awesome chef. She can make the best Italian food you ever had and bake gorgeous desserts. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see her again and I miss her very much. I could apply for her green card based on the family reunion, but that could take over 12 years and cost up several thousand dollars. I’m unable do it the “right way”, so I won’t have my mom here with me. When we build walls around us, we’re focusing on what we don’t want in, but we forget to look into the amazing things we’re keeping out. It’s a difficult subject, I understand. But I promise you that if you look at the picture that I am painting you’ll see what I see: America being a beautiful, colorful, amazing country with space and individuality for all.

While I’ve got you, don’t forget to make sure you’re registered to vote! You can be a voice for people like me, who don’t have one. Find out more at https://vote.gov/!