LIVING. BREATHING. LOVING.
Alienated.
Isolated.
Love all around me.
Alone.
Struggling to decipher
a jigsaw puzzle.
Mismatched pieces.
Scattered.
Everywhere.
Two nebulous,
opaque,
immeasurable chasms
lay before me.
Quavering on each threshold.
Seesawing.
Back and forth.
Forth and back.
Trembling.
Faltering.
The particles of time
propelling.
Catapulting.
Each fallen grain
thundering across my soul.
Quaking my entire being.
Echoing.
Reverberating.
Anxiety. Anguish.
Butterflies
morphing into Dragons.
Living. Breathing.
Taking residence.
Complete possession.
Terrain crumbling,
beneath my feet.
Only traces of dust remain.
I shudder.
Staggering on the tightrope.
Pivoting on tip toes.
Teeter-tottering.
My hand quivers
as I attempt to draw a line
in the collapsing sand.
Dreaming
for an epiphany.
20/20 Foresight.
I’m blinded.
Close my eyes.
Jump.
Believe!
Freefall.
Trust!
Plunge
through the darkness.
Locate
the shaft of illumination.
Take my hand
and show me the way.
Lead me to Life!
Living. Breathing. Loving.
Nancy L.B. Michlin
July 8-10, 2012
I wrote this poem when I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my lifetime: do I do chemo or not? I went to five different oncologist and got five different opinions. I felt like I was playing a really bad game of pin-the-tail on the donkey. They blindfolded me and spun me in circles. After I got all of the opinions, I need to quiet the static, and listen to my own inner guidance. This poem came up on my Facebook newsfeed today. I thought it would be appropriate to post for our times.
I also want to take a moment to thank everyone for all of the beautiful comments posted on my last poem. I wanted to individually thank each person. My time has been limited. Please know that your thoughts touched my heart.
Oh Nancy. This. This is exactly why you are here, and why I am so grateful for it. Your truth and depth. Sharing your innermost being. I thank you for this. I “got the tap” that someone will read this, likely has already read this, and it helped them on their similar path to know they are not crazy feeling all the emotions and contradictions and all at once. You, my dear, are an amazing and inspirational human, and I so admire that you help other humans through your career path as well. I love you strong. Truly.
Once again, speechless with tears. An amazing piece of work that touches my soul. May God bless you. You’re a gifted writer and a loving person, and I don’t even know you
It would be fun to get the two of you – Lana and Nancy – into a room together. GREAT conversation would happen. Makes my heart happy and smiling to think about it!!
As I’m reading this, I can hear your strong voice, Nancy! Your incredible spirit resonates in ever passionate word….
Didn’t you read this at the first OYOU retreat in 2014? It touches me as much now as it did then.
I love the flow of this piece. It FEELS like exactly where you were, emotionally, in those most difficult of moments.
It slams on the brakes, then lunges forward, you did a fabulous job in putting us in that roller coaster car with you. Certain word combinations are SO emotive: “Plunge through the darkness. Locate the shaft of illumination.”
Thank you for sharing this part of you!!
You embody the mantra “Be True to Yourself”, and that is inspiring to all.
LYS!
Those days of hard decisions. I’ve known them, too. You capture the feeling well. You have a good inner compass, Nancy, and your journey has become a “shaft of illumination” for many.